D¨¦j¨¤ vu
by Jennifer Jolie
Summary: In your rebellion you are most predictable. In your silence you are judged. Go with the flow, no one knows your thoughts. (Trinity tries to trust.)
1. Chapter one: Humpty Dumpty

TITLE: D¨¦j¨¤ vu

AUTHOR: Jennifer Jolie

SUMMARY: In your rebellion you are most predictable. In your silence you are judged. Go with the flow; no one knows your thoughts.

CATEGORIES: Drama, Action

RATING: PG. It¡¯s safe stuff.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Matrix or any of the characters in this chapter. The poem ¡®Atlas¡¯ is used in this chapter; I own that. Thanks to sparkledfire for the title.

AUTHOR¡¯S NOTES: Here we go. *tries to copy Morpheus* This fic is highly experimental, and I don¡¯t quite know how it¡¯ll work out. Most of it, however, is open to your own interpretation. Well, drop a review if you have anything to say, thanks!

Something¡¯s holding up my thoughts: 

Probably just steel or stone

Conscience twisted up in knots.

Dare I stir now that I¡¯m grown?

All¡¯s a blur now. All alone.

D¨¦j¨¤ vu, chapter one: Humpty Dumpty

Trinity¡¯s chest is heaving still, like each breath weighs nearly too much for her. But her strength builds with each inhale. She rests her head against what¡¯s behind it; she doesn¡¯t need to know what it is, it¡¯s tangible enough now, never mind about later.

Tank¡¯s with her by now, and he knows her well enough to see through the theatrics ¨C nothing upsets her, really. After all, this is Trinity. It¡¯s alright, otherwise it doesn¡¯t matter. Maybe it¡¯s practise, from all those runs in the matrix then when he¡¯d had to talk to her without looking her in the eyes, or maybe it¡¯s the very fact that it¡¯s easier to lie when you don¡¯t need to look at someone.

¡°You knew about it, didn¡¯t you.¡± He studies her reaction, but then, he doesn¡¯t need to, since it doesn¡¯t change, just as he expects. Is there anything about her he doesn¡¯t know? Well, yes. Maybe someday it¡¯ll be easier to see through her, maybe sooner, since someday is no longer an abnormal occurrence. Opacity could be defined as scores of layers, even translucent or transparent ones, after all.

The interesting thing about silence is that it is predictable. Words, there are so many to choose from, and they all come a-tumbling. Oh, and there are voices! Tank kneels down beside her. It¡¯s hardly appropriate to lord over Trinity by standing over her. No, there are better ways to do it.

¡°Neo mentioned it,¡± Trinity says curtly. This is not the time for gilded speech. Anyhow, long words can bury pain, but short words can contort through it. 

Neo mentioned it. Oh, as if there was something Neo didn¡¯t tell his darling sweet girlfriend. In the beginning I had always wondered what she saw in Neo, but now I knew: he was the One. Whatever crap she made up about the Oracle was shit, really. Few freeborns believed she was right in the head; she was just someone¡¯s everlasting grandmamma. Neo was the One. Surely Trinity knew of the benefits that came with that. Neo, that geek, had believed her.

¡°So what now? Do we tell Morpheus?¡± Spite. I¡¯m wondering if she¡¯ll pick it up, but of course she won¡¯t. She had her own walls up, and fighting sarcasm with sarcasm just ended at an impasse. Those walls were too high for her to climb down now, and she¡¯d have to throw herself off and bruise and break and crash and crack. 

Then she widens her dramatically wet eyes and gives me that smouldering look, the one that praises and loves me like her older brother, the one she never had inside the matrix years ago. Damn, I myself don¡¯t know what it¡¯s like to have an older brother. Her posture¡¯s daring me to tell Morpheus and have her come whining after me. 

It turns out I don¡¯t need to. Here he comes now.


	2. Chapter two: Change

DISCLAIMER: I don¡¯t own The Matrix or any of its characters. I own the poem ¡®I have my name¡¯ used in this chapter. I used a tiny reference to the twins, but it sort of stands on its own.

Looking for me? I don¡¯t think so.

Who am I if I don¡¯t know?

Can I count that someone knows?

I¡¯ll maintain my memories of

Orange trees and star-crossed love.

What is my name? What is my name?

I¡¯m wondering what to name a rose.

I have my name.

All I knew¡­?

I have my name, and it will do.

D¨¦j¨¤ vu, chapter two: Change

Morpheus strode over to Tank, who had just swung back into his operator¡¯s chair, resuming his frantic typing and endless squinting at the screen. He swore under his breath.

¡°What is it? Why isn¡¯t he out yet?¡± Morpheus¡¯ eyes flickered to Neo¡¯s still form, still jacked into the matrix. In doing so, his gaze swept over to his second-in-command, huddled in a corner of the room. She wouldn¡¯t turn her face to him.

Quickly Morpheus made his way over to her, but once there, he felt suddenly, uncharacteristically, lost for words. What could he say? He could hear Trinity taking quick, hard breaths, muffled, to her knees.

¡°We¡¯ll have him out,¡± Morpheus said after a fashion. Out of the corner of his eye, he could just see Trinity shake her head, almost imperceptibly. 

¡°Shit.¡± Tank threw up his hands, ogling the monitors in front of him. The code that was the matrix was like an emerald hailstorm, cascading and colliding in all directions. When the matrix was being changed, either by Neo or from the inside, it never behaved as it was behaving now. Neo could¡¯ve wiped out a country, and nothing like this would¡¯ve happened. Tank slammed his hands against the keyboard in total frustration, something an operator was trained never, _never_ to do, but it didn¡¯t change the monitors in the slightest. ¡°I can¡¯t get him out, I can¡¯t even bloody see anything!¡±

¡°Morpheus,¡± rasped Trinity, ¡°Morpheus, Neo said something about a new breed of Agents in there, two of them, exactly the same-¡±

¡°Trinity, there is nothing in there that Neo cannot handle,¡± Morpheus cut in, loudly and clearly, as if he was speaking to a child. ¡°It was getting rough in there, so he called Tank to get you out.¡±

Trinity opened her mouth to reply, then stopped short. The code on Tank¡¯s monitors was slowing down.


	3. Chapter three: Inevitability

DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Matrix or any of the characters mentioned in this chapter. The song used is ¡®Who wants to live forever¡¯ by Queen. It took some ingenuity to write this. I hope it¡¯s original. There¡¯s some sort of symbolism in here.

Who wants to live forever?  
Who _dares_ to love forever when love must die?

But touch my tears with your lips

Touch my world with your fingertips

And we can have forever, and we can love forever

Forever is our today.

D¨¦j¨¤ vu chapter three: Inevitability

¡°You know, you don¡¯t need to worry when I¡¯m in there,¡± Neo murmured, lowering his head to rest in the curve of Trinity¡¯s neck and right shoulder. Trinity sighed unconsciously, closing her eyes underneath the jet of stale water raining softly on them both from the showerhead above. She lay her hand over Neo¡¯s, wrapped around her waist. They¡¯d left their sodden clothes on: standard procedure in the first rinse, to conserve water washing them afterwards, as well as to prevent too much heat from escaping their bodies in the tepid water. Even with the intimate contact between the two, it was all too chilly in the ship.

Neo stretched out a hand and turned a large knob positioned prominently on the wall; with a screech, the water slowed to a steady drip. It was ridiculous how much water was wasted because of a faulty pipe somewhere ¨C a bucket was situated to catch the precious drops before any was wasted. Morpheus had constantly talked of getting the leak fixed sometime, but every mechanic ¨C even crewmate- they¡¯d ever had on board had never been able to find the cause of the problem. It was legendary.

Trinity peeled off her sopping shirt and wrung it out, hanging it up to dry on a makeshift pole built into the wall. ¡°I don¡¯t worry.¡±

¡°You mean you don¡¯t worry about many things,¡± Neo continued, a smug smile forming on his lips. 

Trinity turned suddenly to him, eyes sparkling. ¡°I don¡¯t love many things.¡±

¡°But I love you.¡± His own eyes met Trinity¡¯s, just for an instant. She took a step closer to him, and Neo swallowed, the heat from her body closing in on him like an aura.

¡°Neo, I¡¯m going to be honest with you,¡± Trinity said softly. ¡°I worry about you because¡­ because I don¡¯t want to lose you. What happened today¡­¡± Her voice failed her, and Neo raised a hand gently to stroke her damp hair, clinging to her face.

¡°Someday, after this war is over¡­¡± Trinity tensed up. ¡°Someday, we¡¯re going to have to die.¡±

¡°I know,¡± she whispered. Her eyes roamed the dull square tiling on the walls. ¡°But¡­ couldn¡¯t we just stay in this moment for a little while longer?¡±

Sighing, she pulled off the thin tank top she still wore, hanging on the rack as well. Neo came from behind her, blindly fumbling with the catch on her pants. Successful, he undressed himself, then advanced on the large covered pail of the thin, unappealingly tacky liquid they used as soap. It was usually greyish from the greasy hands than came into contact with it, and smelled a bit like petrol. 

They finished their shower in silence. Only when Neo turned off the water again did he speak.

¡°Trinity,¡± he told her, slowly, ¡°Listen to me, if anything ever happens to me in there¡­ I love you.¡± His earnest eyes touched her own. ¡°You know that, say you know that.¡±

¡°I do.¡±

He bent nearer to her, eyes drinking in every inch of her silky skin, lips just far enough from hers for speech. ¡°Then I¡¯ll never really be gone.¡±

Neo¡¯s eyes closed and he kissed her, on the lips, as if it was all he knew that moment. Trinity ran her fingers down his smooth chest, hands slick from the water. They barely seemed to need to breathe, too wrapped up in each other to care. Time held for them, and they were trapped, willingly, in a moment of limbo, in a few seconds which stopped to left eternity take their place.

The first thing Trinity could make out when she pulled away was the ceaseless dripping of the leaking showerhead. Neo followed her eyes up. He smiled.

¡°I hear we¡¯re going to Zion.¡±


	4. Chapter four: The Matrix

DISCLAIMER: The only thing I own is the poem ¡®Dirty linen¡¯.

Your dirty linen is sunning

How will you get away?

Tell me you weren¡¯t thinking of running

That¡¯s far too much of a clich¨¦.

D¨¦j¨¤ vu, chapter four: The Matrix

Holding his hand makes her feel strange, so she stops. He won¡¯t let go, though, so it makes no difference. It feels strange anyway. She¡¯s not entirely sure if she likes the feeling.

The room is immaculate, a hollow metal cube with space for all of them and nothing else. Voices echo around this room. Even though it¡¯s nearly thrice as big as normal rooms, the ceiling is low enough to make her feel claustrophobic. Reversed vertigo. Trinity feels as if she¡¯s underwater. She can¡¯t breathe, suddenly. _Walk away_, something tells her, _leave_.

Where?

Zion. From a bird¡¯s eye view, these hundreds of tiny metal cubes set in a grid form a¡­ matrix. Metal is practical, strong and plentiful. All the hovercrafts they¡¯re melting down now are going to come in handy.

The group leaves the room and enters the next, entirely identical but for one point: there is no floor. The walls and ceiling are still slurry sheet metal, but the ground is warm earth, the natural terrain of Zion. Next to the stark silver, the earth is moist. 

A long time ago, Neo ¨C _Neo_, damn ¨C had asked about this place. Were they trying to grow something? Were those labels for the crops, those scored tablets embedded only halfway in the earth?

They were labels, but of a different kind.

It was interesting that Neo had managed to glimpse this place before. Zion officials, stuffy as they were, rarely allowed anyone in. Children were banned completely. Interesting that there was only one condition. 

Tank held Trinity¡¯s hand tighter when they stopped at a final tablet. They read the inscription, considerably shorter than the others:

_The One. He destroyed The Matrix and brought freedom to our people._

They don¡¯t stay long - return to the first room, the one before that, the one before that. It¡¯s like hearing through water and walking through treacle: breath like cotton candy, that thick. Trinity stops and sits down - quite suddenly - knees brought up to her chest. Her eyes are shut, her head leans against the wall. Metal scrapes bitter metal. A matrix. 

There is nothing to say.


	5. Chapter five: I love you

DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Matrix or any of its characters. I own the poem ¡®After passing¡¯ which is used in this chapter.

Aching and longing and pain after passing

Warring for total control 

Why do these doubts only come after passing?  
Why do they come at all?  
Cry a river to wash them away, little one

Cry a river for all tears to fall

I am in total control

I am in total control

Seal yourself up in a cage, precious one

Lock yourself up in your heart

Let anguish tear you apart, little one

I am in total control

Lock yourself up in yourself, precious one

And let regrets go with your soul

D¨¦j¨¤ vu, chapter five ¨C I love you

There is terrible irony in the fact that we were never able to fix the leaking showerhead until there was no need for it. There is terrible embarrassment in the fact that we never actually fixed it either. One fine day at the end of it all it just stopped.

It¡¯s been melted, anyhow, along with the power plant and the thousands of pods we¡¯ve just taken over again. Already scientists are looking at the gel in the pods, trying to see how we can use it. 

_Use it_. Everything has to be _used_. When was the last time something was preserved? Even the graveyards ¨C there¡¯re rumours that the soldiers¡¯ ashes aren¡¯t really buried there at all, and every now and then they just shift a tombstone to make way for another. Every now and then one is removed completely. Things that were once great have no place in Zion.

Don¡¯t you remember coming back from the matrix? Those were the times I wished you would carry a briefcase to work, but no, you carried a gun. Do you remember warmth? Don¡¯t you remember the water running? 

Remember these things, keep them safe somewhere they won¡¯t be forgotten. Because I know I¡¯ve long lost my share of the memories. All I have is that one night alone in the Core, with our captain and operator rushing around, and me with the knowledge that you¡¯d never be coming back. _That¡¯s the end of the matrix_, Tank had said. The end of the war.

The end of the war?__

Tank challenges me again as we leave your last resting place, and it¡¯s not in my arms, my bed. I¡¯ve sat down, the best position for thinking, on the floor rather than a bench. ¡°You knew, didn¡¯t you.¡±

¡°Neo mentioned it.¡±

Tank blinks. Or rather, he rolls his eyes with the lids half down hoping I won¡¯t notice. I do, really, but it¡¯s not like he does it all the time. At any rate he had to put up with the whole crew¡¯s whining all over town. He¡¯s still one of the only people I¡¯d dare to name a trusted friend.

Tank carries on. ¡°So now what? Do we tell Morpheus?¡± Do we tell Morpheus I knew that Neo was going to die once he destroyed the matrix and since he didn¡¯t need to fulfil his goddamn prophecy anymore? That there was nothing anyone could do, he had to die? No, _we_ don¡¯t tell Morpheus. I¡¯ll have to. Alone.

If I can get away from Tank, now¡¯s as good as any time to tell our ex-captain. Here he comes now.

¡°How could you _sit there_ knowing Neo was gonna die?¡± 

Evidently Tank thinks I¡¯m going to stay silent. (and I don¡¯t try to pick out the tone of his voice because I¡¯m not sure I want to know. There¡¯s something there that wasn¡¯t there before, or hasn¡¯t been clear, as has been ignored.)

I reply.

¡°It wasn¡¯t all he told me.¡±


End file.
